tested.

I am feeling tested.

Like...in little ways and some big ways.

I was talking to a friend about it last night; I am just feeling it. It really must have been on my mind to, because I had a dream last night.

I was standing on one side of a rather short wall. I can see things I want on the other side. Things I want to do. Goals I have, etc.

And yes, this wall was short...so I should have been able to just climb over it...but I looked down and I can't see my legs. I know they are there but I can see them, or seem to move them.

How's that for a dream?

I know God has big things in store; but I also know I can't make them happen. And I may just have to sit by and what other things happen and see what the outcome will be.

*sigh*

This is fun right? Have you ever felt this way?

I am content.

April writing...

Now, before we get into this, let's deal with the elephant on the blog...OF COURSE, there are always things in life that could be changed, that could be better. I totally want to be skinnier, and yes, I would love more money or to be out of debt, and of course I would love to have a finished basement or to be able to work from home *sigh*...but I digress.

I am content.

Dictionary.com defines the word "content" as an adjective meaning "to be satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else."

That's strong stuff...but for me...right now; it's so true.

I can honestly say that I am very content with my life right now. I feel a sense of rest and peace. The pace is slower and I am liking it. Husby and I have a steady, tried and true way of loving each other; and yes, while we are both open to changing how we do things...for the most part, it's all worked out. We have simple routines that are comforting; from how we wake up each morning to how we go to sleep. From how laundry is done, to how we do our dishes. We talk of the future, with the full knowledge that it is coming towards us and by the time our future gets here, God will have us prepared for what's in store.

I love our home, even with all it's little annoyances, because even in those times; I know there are some who do not have a home. I love our church, even knowing all the sometimes dark sides behind the curtain of membership; because I know that God has huge things in store for our church...and sometimes it just means we will need trials to make us a stronger body of Christ. I even love our struggle with infertility; because even though it's hard and ugly and sometimes downright tiring...it has forged within Cory and I such a strong faith in God and in each other.

I love my job. I love how I can volunteer and serve my passions all at once. I love my families; both sides, for their similarities and for their differences. I love my friends, for being constants in my life.

I am content.
I feel full.
I feel loved.

I am content.
How do you feel about your life right now?

HOPE

April writing...

We have been talking about "Hope" at church since the beginning of the year. In fact it is our THEME for the year.

I was turned on to this short movie by my cousin, and after watching the beauty of the story unfold I was reminded again about how strong HOPE can impact our lives. (See the link at the bottom for "The Butterfly Circus.")

I took the following from Dictionary.com:

"hope"/hoʊp/ Show Spelled Pronunciation

–noun

1.	the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best: to give up hope.

2.	a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning.

3.	grounds for this feeling in a particular instance: There is little or no hope of his recovery.

4.	a person or thing in which expectations are centered: The medicine was her last hope.

5.	something that is hoped for: Her forgiveness is my constant hope.

–verb (used with object)

6.	to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

7.	to believe, desire, or trust: I hope that my work will be satisfactory.

–verb (used without object)

8.	to feel that something desired may happen: We hope for an early spring.

I think my favorite one is "something that is hoped for." It lines up perfectly to be something connected to our Faith...as you can see in Hebrews 11:1 (which has always been my favorite verse) "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

I strongly urge you to watch the video at the link below for "The Butterfly Circus." It was nothing short of inspiring and a reminder to us all that "out of the ashes, comes beauty." We have room to hope, room to believe...room to have FAITH for better things to come!

Hit with tunes...

April writing...

So I had an awful dream last night...without going into detail, let's just say it had me waking up this morning with little hope of us ever having our own little one. I hoped in the shower and prayed. I remember God's promises and I know he will be faithful...

and I guess he just wanted to continue to remind me...all the way to work.

I had it on our local Christian radio station and almost back to back I heard the three songs below...if that's not a clear enough message...I don't know what is. (I will give you snippets of each of the songs, the parts that really spoke to me!)

Thank you God for being faithful!

Meredith Andrews "You're Not Alone"
"You're not alone, for I am here.
Let me wipe away your every fear.
My love, I've never left your side.
I have seen you through the darkest night,
and I'm the one who's loved you all your life,
All of your life "

Josh Wilson "Before the Morning"
"Would you dare, would you dare to believe.
That you still have a reason to sing,
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling...
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.
So hold on you gotta wait for the light,
Press on and just fight the good fight.
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling...
It’s just the dark before the morning."

and this one has a great message in the whole song...
"John Waller - While I'm Waiting"
"I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You, Lord.
And I am hopeful.
I'm waiting on You, Lord.
Though it is painful, But patiently, I will wait.

I will move ahead, bold and confident.
Taking every step in obedience.
While I'm waiting, I will serve You.
While I'm waiting, I will worship.
While I'm waiting, I will not faint.
I'll be running the race, Even while I wait.

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You, Lord.
And I am hopeful.
I'm waiting on You, Lord.
Though it is painful, But patiently, I will wait.
Yes, I will wait."

I love it when God's sly like that... ;)

With a Heavy Heart........

Cory Writing.....

My Friends and Family....

This morning I write this blog with a very heavy heart and I am not quite sure why. All I know is I will not be able to sleep until I write this blog. I believe God is wanting to speak to someone. I am not sure who, but if this is for you I hope you find it strengthening and it gets you through the valley you find yourself in.

As most of you know my wife and I have been trying desperately to have a child. It hasn't happened for us YET, but we are not discouraged and we still know God is on the throne. We still have our questions that aren't getting answered and we don't really understand why it hasn't happened yet, but all we know is we are trusting in our all mighty God.

My wife and I both have had many people come to us and say, "I don't know how you guys do it, but you guys are so strong. I wouldn't be able to be as strong as you are. Why are you guys able to be so strong?"

I haven't been able to answer that question, until now. The other night I was at work and it was a particularly slow night, so I was listening to one of my Pastor Friends (I don't personally know him, except through blogs, emails, and his preaching, but I consider him a friend.) His name is Pete Wilson and he is a Pastor at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN http://withoutwax.tv/2009/09/15/a-labor-of-love/

He recently did a sermon series titled Q Questions about life and God. This sermon series was based on questions people in his church submitted. He took these questions and dealt with one topic a week. All the sermons were really great, but one sermon really stuck out it my mind and really put into words why my wife and I are able to hold our head up high even though God has not blessed us with a child just yet. This particular service is titled: "Why Do People Suffer?"

Please don't take my words as boasting or being proud, but I am trying to share a nugget that has helped my wife and I through this difficult time and I am hoping it will help you through your difficult time. So please watch this video and I hope it will touch you to your inner core and help you get through this valley.

My First Time Spreaching

Cory Writing....

Several of our High School students and our Youth Pastor went to Puerto Rico for a week on a Missions Trip. Our Youth Pastor Jason Harris asked me if I would speak and I agreed.

To make it easy for my first time Jason gave me a stack of video's done by Rob Bell. The video I chose was titled Rich, I chose this video because it fit it perfectly with our kids being away on the missions field.

The description of the video is as follows:
There's a popular bumper sticker that reads "God Bless America," but hasn't America already been blessed? It's easy for us to fall into a mindset of viewing "our" world as "the" world, because it's all we generally see. We're constantly bombarded with images of the latest styles and models of everything, and it can easily leave us feeling like what we have isn't enough because we see people that have even more than us. But how does what we have compare to what most people in the world have? Maybe what we have is enough; maybe it's more than enough. Maybe God has blessed us with everything we have so we can bliss and give to others.

I chose to do breakout groups, which allows the students to dialogue about the subject matter with other peers their age. If you would like to listen to the sermon it is below.

Rich Sermon July 15, 2009 from April Eslick on Vimeo.

There's nothing you could do...

April writing...

Lump (Rob Bell - Nooma)