Check it...the Top 10 Do's and Don'ts of Disney hairstyles...I'll highlight the parts that cracked me up!
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10. Rapunzel, Tangled
Oh my God. MANAGE THIS MESS. Unbeweaveable.
Snooze. Wake me up when you lose the dog-cone collar and your hair has a fighting chance of making a statement. Also, turn 6, please. Nice bow.
8. Princess Tiana, The Princess and the Frog
It took Disney eight billion years to finally give us an African-American princess, and this is her hair? Boooo-riiiiiing. The Cinderella-esque transformation from day to night is remarkable, but not as good as...
7. Cinderella, Cinderella
...Cinderelly's! The lowly maid's typically rage-inducing bangs somehow develop an almost stately character once the rest of her follicular baggage has been swept into an updo closely resembling a perky butt.
6. Mulan, Mulan
She just samurai'd it off (in a perfect line!) to achieve ultimate fun-girl-non-fake-man hair. A crucial element of good hair has always been ballsy styles. Get it, girl!
Sure, it's plain, but I always admired how the unnecessarily dramatic contours of Belle's non-bangs combine with the shape of her face to create one complete heart. And it never gets singed by Lumière! (We may need to talk about the change of eye color, but that's like a whole different gallery.)
4. Princess Pocahontas, Pocahontas
This ain't no Tyra-inflicted wind machine. This is REAL WIND. With all the colors! The wind is her brush and her deep conditioner. It's also amazing that she can achieve the perfect blunt cut on her own, with such significant gaps between regular trips to her stylist.
You know you're doing something right when your tiny waist is no match for the tremendous girth of your ponytail. Good eating habits, Jasmine! Her hair's almost sexier when it's all shackled into those two napkin rings. Once let loose, the sheer volume and mass threaten to eat her alive.
This is aspirational hair. Exquisite paintings of the ferocious surf have not come close to approximating the perfect waves of Princess Aurora's hair. Its softness contrasts with the angles of her sleeves, her facial features, her dainty nails ... and is that an erect nipple? Nice. Ugh, it's all just so luscious. Look at that tree! This entire movie is just beautiful.
1. Princess Ariel, The Little Mermaid
Underwater Ariel wins. No contest. I refuse to factor in the soul-crushing wall of bangs that oppressed her, and viewers, while Ariel tried her luck at landlubbing. No. That never happened. Here she is underwater! And even if this weren't a no-brainer ... the girl combs her hair with a fork. Excuse me. A dinglehopper!
Underwater Ariel wins. No contest. I refuse to factor in the soul-crushing wall of bangs that oppressed her, and viewers, while Ariel tried her luck at landlubbing. No. That never happened. Here she is underwater! And even if this weren't a no-brainer ... the girl combs her hair with a fork. Excuse me. A dinglehopper!
Just too funny.
1 comment:
You crack me up!!
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