I'm going to lose it.

I wanna lose weight.
I wanna be healthier.
I wanna be more active
I wanna get skinny.
I wanna wear cute clothes.
I wanna...what is it about the start of a new year that gets you thinking about all this crap? Granted, it's not a bad list of things to want for myself. However, it is frustrating.

If you've never struggled with your weight, you may not get what I am about to rant about...so read along if you must, just stop short of judging me if you can...or at least keep it inside if you do.

I've been laying in bed since Husby and I turned off the lights at 11:30pm. It is now 1:20am. I tried reading for a while, but that pit was back in my stomach. That knot that rises up on occasion that seems to keep my mind on nothing else but getting skinny.

skinny.
skinny.
S K I N N Y.

I kinda hate that word.

I tried reading a new book, but every other word just made me think about getting skinny. And trust me, the book has nothing to do about weight loss or 'skinny'ness.

If you must know, it's "Heaven is For Real."

I am thinking about it because I know it's time again. Time to try and lose weight...again. I hate even having to do it. And I hate even having the feeling of hate about having to do it.  

Chubsters will get that, you skinny folk...not so much.

I don't want to have to watch food go into my mouth for nutritional purposes only. I like food too much. Ugh.

...but for all the distaste I have in dieting and losing weight...I have even more of a distaste of my dunlop belly, the same belly that for the love of all of those around me, I desperately try to keep tucked in my 'a-couple-sizes-to-big-for-real-fashion' jeans. God bless the man I married that gets to see it, and still somehow, chooses to love me.

Please don't think this is the pity party section of the blog...that's coming later...I don't plan on going down that road, that's not what this is about.

I am just sharing...because I am wide awake...and oversharing is a thing I am pretty good at.

Speaking of oversharing...I hate that I keep thinking to myself, just hold off on dieting because this month I am finally going to get pregnant and I will start gaining pregnancy weight. I've been saying that for quite some time now. If I dieted through all the times I told myself to hold off  I would probably be the skinny version of myself that I am longing for.

Whatever.

And no, that's not an invitation for infertility pity either.

I am the type to hold my tongue usually on all things personal/infertility...I don't feel sorry for myself and neither should you. Gods got a plan...and I am sure in his bag of plans there is one for a skinnier me too. See, I can be positive on this weight loss subject.

My Mother-In-Law is the incredible shrinking woman right now...she's lost something like 49 pounds on this 17 Day Diet. I don't wanna do it.

Ugh. Diet. Ugh.

To those of you who know me...and are silently saying to yourself, 

wow for a positive person, this post is rather negative.

No, it's not really...I am positive that I hate this.

See?

Anyways...my MIL has lost 49 pounds and looks amazing. She's a diet rockstar. She is like the gold star of dieters. I kinda wanna be like her.

Ugh. Diet. Ugh.

So...I guess I am going to wake up...after I fall asleep, since now the eyes are getting heavy now that I have placed my rant up for the public to see...and I am going to order the book. Then I am going to have yet another conversation with Husby about how I hope he is ready for another wild diet ride. 

Babe, you're amazing to me during these diets...here's to hoping you don't starve.

Then I am going to have to pack away all of the wonderful recipes that I spent about 3 hours researching and pinning and printing and planning for tonight, I am going to have to toss out the whole e-mealz plan...or at least get prepared to get really creative with the pre-planned meals.

Then...I guess...I am going to lose it. Some of it. All of it.

Who knows, in the process I may actually get pregnant...finally...then I will be a smaller, much happier version of myself and I will be that much closer to being one of those cute pregnant ladies.

So here I go...

or something.

Oh..and seriously, don't feel like you have to comment.

I don't necessarily need the encouragement.

I know I don't need the told-you-so's.

You can offer up a firm "word-to-your-mother" if you are feeling me on anything I typed.

I'll hear ya.

And from one struggling chubster to the next...we will silently battle this dumb war together.

And that's just fine with me.

Weight Watchers - Day One

It's the end of Weight Watchers (take 3) Day 1. :)

And I did it...with 2 points to spare!

 what! what! boooyyyaaaahhhh!

So there.

Take that "fat."

Your days are numbered...

Pppplllllleeeeeeeeeffffff!!!

*special thanks to the James Van Der Beek memes over at Jamesvandermemes.com for supplying the perfectly suited 'na na boo boo' and 'in da club' gifs....there are more and they will be used!

Should "fatties" get a room?

Are you kidding me?

What I am about to  paste into this post will most likely anger you, as it did me. I heard this article read on The Talk; a new daytime talk show (which I am loving so far). Anywho...it had me seeing red and spittin' fire...as did Sharon Osborne and the rest of the ladies on the show.

This article was written by a Maura Kelly for Marie Claire magazine, it was titled "Should 'fatties' get a room? (Even on tv?)" yeah I know...already disgusting huh? Here's what she had to say...(I will include the entire post originally seen here, then bold the parts that really stood out as disgustingly horrendous. Then I will include her apology, written a few days later.)

The other day, my editor asked me, "Do you really think people feel uncomfortable when they see overweight people making out on television?"

Because I can be kind of clueless — I'm not much of a TV person — I had no idea what she was talking about, so she steered me to this CNN article, about the CBS sitcom Mike & Molly. 

 

As CNN explains, "the show centers around a couple who meet at an Overeaters Anonymous group [and] has drawn complaints for its abundance of fat jokes [as well as] cries from some viewers who aren't comfortable watching intimacy between two plus-sized actors."

My initial response was: Hmm, being overweight is one thing — those people are downright obese! And while I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity! Yes, anorexia is sick, but at least some slim models are simply naturally skinny. No one who is as fat as Mike and Molly can be healthy. And obesity is costing our country far more in terms of all the related health problems we are paying for, by way of our insurance, than any other health problem, even cancer.

So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.

Now, don't go getting the wrong impression: I have a few friends who could be called plump. I'm not some size-ist jerk. And I also know how tough it can be for truly heavy people to psych themselves up for the long process of slimming down. (For instance, the overweight maintenance guy at my gym has talked to me a little bit about how it seems worthless for him to even try working out, because he's been heavy for as long as he can remember.)

But ... I think obesity is something that most people have a ton of control over. It's something they can change, if only they put their minds to it.

(I'm happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them — but long story short, eat more fresh and unprocessed foods, read labels and avoid foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it's cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, increase the amount of fiber you're getting, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more. I admit that there's plenty that makes slimming down tough, but YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me. It will take some time, but you'll also feel so good, physically and emotionally. A nutritionist or personal trainer will help — and if you can't afford one, visit your local YMCA for some advice.)

Then again, I guess these characters are in Overeaters Anonymous. So ... points for trying?

Then again, I tend to think most television shows are a kind of junk food for the mind and body. The boob tube gives us an excuse to turn off both our brains and our bodies and probably does a helluva lot to contribute to the obesity problem, over all. So ... I don't know.

What do you guys think? Fat people making out on TV — are you cool with it? Do you think I'm being an insensitive jerk?

Her apology:

UPDATE: I would really like to apologize for the insensitive things I've said in this post. Believe it or not, I never wanted anyone to feel bullied or ashamed after reading this, and I sorely regret that it upset people so much. A lot of what I said was unnecessary. It wasn't productive, either.





I know a lot of people truly struggle to lose weight — for medical and psychological reasons — and that many people have an incredibly difficult time getting to a healthy size. I feel for those people and I'm truly sorry I added to the unhappiness and pain they feel with my post.





I would like to reiterate that I think it's great to have people of all shapes and healthy sizes represented in magazines (as, it bears mentioning here, they are in Marie Claire) and on TV shows — and that in my post, I was talking about a TV show that features people who are not simply a little overweight, but appear to be morbidly obese. (Morbid obesity is defined as 100 percent more than their ideal weight.)  And for whatever it's worth, I feel just as uncomfortable when I see an anorexic person as I do when I see someone who is morbidly obese, because I assume people suffering from eating disorders on either end of the spectrum are doing damage to their bodies, and that they are unhappy. But perhaps I shouldn’t be so quick to judge based on superficial observations.




To that point (and on a more personal level), a few commenters and one of my friends mentioned that my extreme reaction might have grown out of my own body issues, my history as an anorexic, and my life-long obsession with being thin. As I mentioned in the ongoing dialogue we’ve been carrying on in the comments section, I think that's an accurate insight.




People have accused me of being a bully in my post. I never intended to be that — it's actually the very last thing I want to be, as a writer or a person. But I know that I came off that way, and I really cannot apologize enough to the people whom I upset.

Now, believe me...I have gotten looks from people too. I am not exactly playin' for the skinny team, so some may take this as a biased opinion...but I feel like what she said, especially the bolded part...was not only completely insensitive and mean, but also very small minded and ignorant...but I know she isn't alone in that type of thinking. And that's sad. Many commenters even spoke on how they feel that the apology was forced and very surface. Others felt her mentioning her own body image issues was a low blow stating that she can't blame her issues on how she treats other people...and I tend to agree. I feel that if you have body issues, then you should be one of the few that understand where others with body issues, be it obesity or anorexia are going through. So those words should have never left her mouth...or have been typed in this case.

Personally, I am also a bit appalled that Marie Claire would let this type of talk go in their magazine...with bullying so rampant these days it amazes me that talk like this would earn someone a paycheck.

So...Do you have a problem with overweight people kissing in public, or on TV? What are your thoughts on the article?

Week One

April writing...

Well I wish that I had a weight loss number for you, but I forgot to go get a scale this week...sooo...today I will pick one up and then weigh in tomorrow morning. :P

Here's how I feel..
Certainly less bloated. I don't feel FAT after meals. I am watching my portions and I haven't had any soda in over two weeks. That's actually probably been the hardest part. Sometimes you just need that burn with certain foods...but I have survived!

In fact I have actually been craving water. Sometimes even in the middle of the night! And I rarely wake up in the middle of the night; but I have...with the driest mouth in the world, just begging for water! So, I guess my body knows what it wants!

I did 4 days of workouts too...circuit style...like 10-15 minutes jogging on the treadmill and 2 25+ reps on the front and sides on the Ab Lounger, and then some reps with weights. I like the energy I am getting from that!

So I don't know if I lost weight this first week, but I certainly feel good!

We shall see!

My surprisingly yummy snack...

April writing...

So I am hanging out with OD, like we do every Monday and it hit 10pm and we got a little snacky...and since I am following a new "eating" plan...(see how I didn't call it a diet...booo) I knew that I only had about 275 calories left to eat for the day. So I thought outloud...what am I going to find in my house for under 275 calories that's going to satisfy this snacky hunger?

Well, the other day I purchased some Wasa crackers...I was a little ehhh on them, but I know they are supposed to have a really good crunch. So, I said what-the- hey...

So OD and I headed to the kitchen...I quickly started formulating a plan (duh duh duhhhh)...Wasa crackers...some laughing cow garlic and herb cheese spread, a slice of turkey and maybe some sliced grapes...a little crunch, a little sweetness...oh and some TANG...I even added a little mustard.

You know...even though the Wasa crackers themselves are just shy of tasting exactly like super stale communion wafers...it wasn't bad. The crunch was enough to make me feel like I was having a real sandwich or at least a significant snack!!! And get this...it was all only 154 calories!!!!

What is was your most random "good for you" snack?

My plan to be a loser...

April writing...

Not like this...

More like this...

I have many reasons...I have blogged about Dieting...and Exercising...but this time...it's not just about me...I mean...ugh...it hasn't just been about me in the past...but...I'm done. I want a child, and to do that, we have to do IVF. (unless my dear baby Jesus wants to work a miracle...we are always open to that!) So I need to lose weight...at least 25 pounds to start IVF...but I would love to lose 50+! I want to be healthier, I don't want heart problems, I don't want breathing problems, I would love to stop snoring at night, for my knees not to ache at the end of the night, for my belly to stop, well, 'dunloppin' over my pants. I want to wear cute clothes. I want to be sexy. I want to walk up stairs without getting out of breath. I want to have a baby. It's just....I want to be thinner...but I digress...I know I have said this all before.

*EDIT- For those of you wondering, the reason I have to lose weight for IVF is because the office I am with, it is their anesthesiologist rule regarding the related procedures. He likes the patients BMI to be 39 or lower. So that's why I have to lost the weight, cause I am over that BMI...unfortunately.

But I am going to do it!! And I have found some great tools to help me this time around, for FREE!

First off...Sparkpeople.com
It's FREE and it's AMAZING. I can track all of my food...just like on WW.com...but...for...FREE! See...

That's my info so far today...and see that Weekly Progress right above? That falls right in line with where I need to be to lose weight, per the Calorie/Weight Loss index.

"These results will help you to know how many calories you need to maintain your current weight, and the number of calories needed per day to achieve your goal weight in a healthy, steady manner.

You need 2364.6 calories per day to maintain your current weight without exercise. (NO THANKS...I wanna LOOOOOOSSEE!!)

You need 2151.9 calories per day to reach your goal weight slowly and maintain that weight without exercise.

If you reduce your current caloric intake to 1864.6 calories per day you will lose one pound per week without exercise.(This is what I am floating around, per Sparkpeople.com)

If you increase your current caloric intake to 2864.6 calories per day, you will gain one pound per week." (Nope...let's not do that!)

So there you have it....Doesn't seem to bad, I just need to chart my information (which I did religiously on weight watchers) and drop these pounds! I will keep you posted! Any encouragement and/or tips are greatly appreciated! Oh and if you wanna lose too...check out Sparkpeople.com and say that "Slickslady" sent ya! :)

The endless battle...

April writing...

This weight war rages on.

I did however lose 3 pounds in the last 13 days. Score.

That means I need to lose somewhere between 15-25 more to be in a good place to start IVF.

So. This week...here are my goals.

1. Water ONLY.
2. 3 meals a day.
3. Exercise (ride bike, jog, Pilates, Wii Active, etc) at least 3 times.
4. Vitamins
5. Stretching every morning. I read an article that stated "stretching the body every morning promotes energy, and muscle movement. Which then can lead to fat burning." -thus weight loss.

So...that's the plan for this week. Well obviously not JUST this week...but you get the idea.

No stress.

I'm kinda paying attention to points too...as I know how to do that from my many rounds with WW.

So far today:
I stretched this morning.
I took my vitamins.
I ate two granola bars for breakfast. (4 points)
I had chicken noodle soup for lunch. (3 points)
I am on my second bottle of water.
I plan to ride my bike today.

So. There we have it.

surely...

April writing...

You all hate me. Surely you do. Those of you who have routinely dropped by to see nothing since the 27th. I am sorry.

I just don't know what it is. I feel like the summer has gotten the best of me, and not necessarily in a good way.

I may have also picked a bad day to blog, cause it's pretty crappy today. Some may get this, others won't. Let me whine and be negative for a minute...

It's hot. I'm chunky. Not a good combo...thus I am having a fat day. This never makes a lady happy. It leads me to think sad/angry thoughts of letting myself gain all the weight back that I lost. While still sitting and not really doing anything about it. Doh!

I'm so ready for vacation it hurts. I am excited. I think that we are going to have a blast! I am ready for the beach...but then there's that subject (above) that creeps into my head...and of course I am affected by it yet again. Bathing suits. Need I say more?

We are busy and we have done it to ourselves...but I feel like I am on a treadmill and someone keeps jacking up the speed and I NEEDS to get OFF! I love everything that we are involved with...and I really wouldn't change a thing, I just know that I have slacked in my organization and I know that I have alot to do, but I am not runnin' my game like I should. I need to settle down, regroup, get organized and hit the calendar again.

I feel a bit unsettled. There are babies everywhere. Which I LOVE...but I am so ready for our own!!!! I got to hold two newborns yesterday...and seriously...Britt said it right...your arms ache. Mine most definitely did. I always tend to daydream after being around babies. What ours will look like, how they will smell, what personalities they will have, what I will dress them in, what fun things will I do with them? I am just so ready. Even though I know there is so much that I want to do first as well...losing weight (again), pay off debt, home improvement.

GOOD GRACIOUS.

It catches up to you...and it. just. becomes. all consuming.
So who knows...maybe all of that is why I haven't blogged.
Maybe it's because I am busy.
Or because I am sad.
Or because I want a baby.
Who knows.
Maybe I'll be better.
Maybe I won't.

Only.
time.
will.
tell.

My Husband ROCKS Friday

April writing...

It's no secret. I think my Husby rocks...here's just another little reason why.

So I would say back in mid May we decided to start working out 4 days a week, then an opportunity came about for us to try out the new EA Sports ACTIVE Wii workout for FREE...and we HOPPED on that chance! Now we are working out two days on, one day off. So about 5 days a week. We love it...and we have both really been super supportive of each other!

Cory has been behind me 100%. And not just because it would equal a skinnier wife to look at...but I believe he truly wants me to be healthier as well as making himself healthier for many more happy years to come!

Thanks baby for supporting me...and understanding that my battle with weight goes sometimes deeper than even I realize. I love you and one day...we will look HOT on a beach TOGETHER :)

Workouts and Dieting...take 43

April writing...

So this week Cory and I started working out. We agreed to 4 days a week. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Fridays. At least 20 minutes each day. This week I have been doing the Jillian Micheal's Ultimatum Wii Fit workout. I feel great about it! I enjoy it. It feels like the time flies by and I am actually sore. Like the good sore...where you know you are accomplishing something!

Next week, my plan is to adding better. I mean, since we started I have been watching portions, time and what I eat...but I want to add in more fruits and veggies, and get back to water only! (We have been drinking tea at home)

For the sake of honesty and vulnerability, I will admit that I have...*gasp* gained back 26 pounds of the weight I spent 8 months losing last year. I won't say that I don't know how it happened, because I know.

I gave up. I went back to my old ways, I stopped counting my points and I stopped being active. I know that this battle with weight, at least for me...will be a constant in my life. I know that I am always going to have to fight and pay attention. As much as I hate it.

What I hate more is not finding cute clothes, and feeling winded at the top of the stairs at work.

It's hard. I am embarrassed. Ashamed. I feel those pesky little body issues creeping back in. And it stinks.

But I can't just lay down in this self-pity...we are on track now. Week one has been good, and I actually haven't had to PUSH myself to work out...I am sure that won't always be the case, but for me...it's a great place to start.

So here it is...in black and white. I want to set a goal of losing 10% by July 17th. That's 22 pounds! I firmly believe I can do it. I know I have before. I know I can again. So keep an eye on my new ticker over there <----------. Watch with me as that number grows...cause that means I am closer and closer to my goal!!!

An open letter to my body...

April writing...

Dear Body Fat, (especially what Fat finds itself hovering around my midsection, arms and neck...)

I just wanted to touch base with you in a more formal, public way to ensure that this time you may get my drift.

I want to wear cute clothes. I know that sounds selfish and childish, but it's the truth...and for too long you have hindered me from doing just that. I have not been able to develop a relationship with cute clothes because of your swelling connection to my body.

Here you are happily clinging to my body as if there was no invitation to go elsewhere...but there is. I don't care where you go, just leave me alone...seriously. I mean, you could even hop a little bit of yourself onto my Husby seeing as how he has been trying to put on more weight for a while.(Not too much though...he may get upset.)

I long for the day when I don't have to wear slightly larger shirts to ensure that your ever present protruding doesn't interfere with any cuteness that I could muster up.

And yes, I see you there...with your hand up my old fat friend...I know what you are going to say, "Why are you blaming me...it's all about what you eat and how you exercise. Do the right thing and I will be gone." While I need you to know that I understand that, I still feel that you hold on with the tenacity of a protester; bound and determined to sit and scream out your point until it is realized by all.

But your point...the one that screams that I will be "fat" forever...well I plan on drowning it out! I WILL do it...I too can have tenacity...in fact for the better part of 2008 I drowned out 34 pounds of YOU...and I felt like I was on top of the world. Whatever it was that made me lay down my sword and stop fighting...well that's gone.

I HAVE picked up my sword again...and I plan on fighting the remaining 50+ pounds of YOU that is hanging around. Then you will be GONE forever...and that relationship that I have been missing out on, the one I have been putting off...that relationship with cute clothes...I will flaunt it in front of any sign of you that creeps up until you run away screaming.

Body fat...it's ON!
You are no longer welcome.
Please see your way out.

...blogging through it...

April writing...

I am not sure what my deal is. I had SUCH high hopes for how I would finish out this year. This might end up being a super vulnerable post for me, albeit truly needed.

Here's a little bit about the 'weigh' I was before 2008.
- I found myself buying button up shirts because I thought they were cute, knowing full well that I couldn't button them. "I'll just leave them open and put a shirt underneath" I would tell myself...at least then I could feel a little cute when I went out.
- My pants were getting too tight, but instead of giving in and buying the next size up, I rigged up a little stretch system, using a hair-tie through my pants button hole, attached to the button. It gave me an extra inch and half or so of room at the top while sparing me the personal embarrassment of yet again getting bigger jeans.
- Eating out was easier...especially for lunch. Could I have made myself a lunch? Sure. But I think if I am being honest, I knew that deep down that fatty food was doing something for me...not something good. It was keeping me down, but I craved it.
- I ate when I was bored. I mean it...all the time. I have never been an emotional eater. I haven't struggled with that. For me, it was... "Oh it's 10:15 pm and I am watching TV and my mouth is bored...lemme get a sandwich." I wasn't hungry...I don't think I ever was when I ate at those times.
- Grabbing a soda was way more inviting than water, especially a Grape Soda. Water was so plain and boring and blahhh. I would kid myself when I said things like, "I drank a bottle of water at work today...so I can have four sodas at home tonight." Like that one bottle of water made any difference at all.
- I got winded taking the stairs. I found that I couldn't talk for a couple minutes after climbing the stairs at work...I hoped that when I opened the door to my office there wouldn't be anyone there that I needed to greet. That way I wouldn't sound like a fat, out-of-shape mess when I said, "Good Morning."
- The idea of doing yard work and gardening was always on my mind, yet I would start a project...barely get through it and be out of breath and exhausted...then I would stop.
- I didn't feel pretty...at all. I felt like a fat-lazy-no-good-unpretty person.

But I kept doing it all...the eating, the not exercising, the tricks to make myself seem smaller...Until January 2nd, 2008.

It was literally that morning that I said enough was enough. After Mom going through her major heart surgery, and me seeing how well she was doing losing weight...making a difference in how she ate so she wouldn't be in the same position again...I had seen myself in her. All of my eating choices, my choice to watch TV instead of being active...all of it. I was over it. I wouldn't end up in her shoes...needing surgery and putting myself, my body, my heart at risk.

So I joined Weight Watchers. January 2nd-March 2nd went GREAT....I dropped 22 pounds and I was on top of the world!! March through the middle of July went just as well...I lost another 12 pounds! Then enter the PLATEAU. The dreaded WALL in the middle of your weight loss.

Looking back. It absolutely GOT the best of me. For the next 4 months I would bounce around like a yo-yo...up .08, down 1.2, up 1.5, down .05...until by the end of November...I had gained back 5 pounds.

I know it doesn't seem like alot. But I was down...and I was kicking MYSELF while I was down. I stopped trying. I sold the lie to myself saying...OK take a week off...just eat whatever, next week we will kick our rear into gear...but that week turned into a month.

And here I am still. I honestly don't know HOW much I have gained back. I am actually terrified to go weigh in. By my estimation...I would put myself around 212ish...that would mean that I have put BACK on 12 or so pounds of the 34 that I had originally lost.

Now I am by no means back to the weigh I was before...but I can see how easily I would get there. I am scared now because I cancelled my WW membership in order to save $40 a month. I honestly KNOW that I can track my points and do it on my own....I CAN discipline myself to stay off the scale except for one day a week. I know that I can journal my food and all of that. But for some reason...I am stuck.

Why is this? What has happened. I was on a ROLL there...I could actually be pretty much on target if it weren't for my plateau, and then letting that plateau win and basically giving up in the past month or so. And it seems so easy to say right here, right now...that I am DONE again...I MEAN it this time. I am GOING to lose the rest of this weight...but I feel like there are shackles on my ankles and something is keeping me down.

I want this. I want to lose this weight...and I am past the point of wanting it because I want to look cute or because I want to be able to buy the cute clothes or not feel like the fat girl in the room. I want this because I want to be HEALTHY and because I want to have a BABY. I want to live a long-happy-fulfilled life. There is so much that is uncertain in this world, and I want to know that I am doing everything to ensure a healthy, long life. I know that being healthier will only aid in my chances of conceiving a child too.

*at the risk of sounding extremely cheesy* I am honestly feeling like I am standing on the edge of an even bigger cliff than the one I stood on back on January 2nd of this year. This seems harder. I am at the point now where it's going to be HARD work. I am going to have to make some SERIOUS changes. I am going to have to
PUSH through ME
the biggest WALL of all...to get where I want to go!

I know that I can do it. I DO believe in myself. I will do this.


Thanks for listening...I know I needed this.

oh for pete's sake...

April writing...




Seriously?

(I know the picture is not clear but you will get my idea)

If you are going to post an ad about someone feeling overweight...then why the heck would you use a picture of someone who is probably UNDERWEIGHT??!

I suppose it is to make those who may not THINK their overweight, now want to JUMP of a BRIDGE because according to your ad, if you are able to pinch a little flab of skin on your side, then chances are you are FAT.

So if truth be told, when I pinch my side and I get a handful of junk, then I must be stinkin' morbidly obese...thus leading me to purchase your product so I can lose weight and soon only have a small flap of skin to squeeze. Or is the idea for me to have NOTHING to squeeze?

Whatever.

p.s. - oh and I am also confused by this...why is it that skinny girl on the left 'hearts' her belly button, but equally skinny girl on the right is showing us, using the 'pinch' method, that she feels she is fat.

Again I say...whatever.

Letting it all hang out...almost literally

April writing...

Weight loss is truly a grand thing...so far I have lost a total of 34 pounds (although I am toggling between 31-34 pounds lost right now. boo.)

I am so excited! And I plan on continuing with this loss...I need a good kick in the pants, but I will again find my drive and lose more. I want to be CLOSE if not, AT my goal weight by the new year! So that means I have 4 months to get the show on the road and lose 30-40 more pounds!!!

Eeeekkkk.

So realistically, it may be a little into 2009 before I get there...but here's to hoping!!

Follow along with my journey...I just started a new blog (transferred from another site) on Blogger to watch my weight loss journey...

Encouragement, well wishes, even advice...I will take it all!

http://slicksweightwatching.blogspot.com/

Work it out Girl, work it out.

April writing...


So I did my second "Easy Pilate's" work out last night. It is only 25 minutes of some of the basic moves, but for me it is enough for now. I will slowly move my way up to the 35 minute one, then onto the 45 minute one. The pose above...that was the hardest and easiest pose to do. I know you are thinking that doesn't make much sense, so maybe if I say it like this. It was strenuous to do, but I actually did it!! Like I didn't falter at all...now my insides were shaking from holding my "powerhouse" so tight...but I did it!!

Cory promises that he will start doing the Pilate's with me on his next set of days off. So I am glad that I have till Sunday to perfect the poses so I look like a pro when he is rocking every which way during his first workout like I did! I am also gonna need to get a mat. I used a blanket last night (cause we have hardwood floors) and that was just an invitation for my dogs to lay next to me as I was trying to do the exercise. At one point Pickle laid under my head while it was up and when I came down I had a nice pillow and Olive tried laying on my legs; but that wasn't gonna work for me. So sad to say I had to lock the pups out for the duration of the Pilate's session.

My plan/goal/challenge is to do this every day at some point during the day for two-three weeks, then bump myself up to the 35 minute workout. That will be of course if I feel comfortable enough. I really want to master the basics before I move up...there is really no need to progress too fast.

I will also be hitting the treadmill again, three days a week. I am gonna try and do the "Couch-Potato-to-5K" workout. I really want to get my legs into shape again. They used to be my best feature (according to me) and they are well...let's just say they are lacking in that department currently. With my 34 pounds gone...there is a little bit extra all over, but especially in the thigh department. So that needs some work.

I have to kick my boo-tay back into gear this Wednesday. I weigh-in and start my 33rd week on Weight Watchers. I have hit a wall, but it's been my own fault. I have been slacking at tracking my points and kinda getting dangerously bored-snacky. I just want to get myself under 200 and keep it there for a while...of course going even further under that goal would be nice each week. I am currently hovering around 201...and I am over it. So BUTT...you are on notice, a good kickin is headed your way!!! Be ready!!

And congrats to my Mom who also bit the bullet and joined Weight Watchers!!! I think it will be great for her too!! She lost 2.4 (hope I got that right Ma) after her first week!! YEAHHH!!! Also, congrats to my birthday bro Dave, he has lost 15.6 pounds after I believe one month with WW!!! It's awesome!!!

So here's to GOALS and CHALLENGES and VICTORIES with both!!!! Talk to you soon!! (it's feeling like a long day today so I will most likely be back!!)

Oi. Oi. Oi.

April writing...

Seriously. One box? One full box of tissues?! Yep, since 9:22 am this morning. I have gone through one FULL box of tissues. My nose is dripping like a leaky pipe in an old apartment building. And it is getting kind of old. It's so bad, that the drips literally sneak up on me. Here I am typing, typing, typing...and whammooaahh one drip falls on my shirt before I can catch it with a tissue. So yeah, here I sit with about 4 wet drops spots on my shirt. Great. Stinking awesome.
Anyways, before I float away on my pity boat...

Today is dragging by and I find myself with absolutely nothing to blog about other than to say...my scissors are back. *haha* I am not kidding. It turns out...an un-named fellow employee was packing up a box to be shipped about and during that process my favorite scissors found their way into said box. The box arrived at it's destination and the receiver found the stowaway scissors and they were nice enough to mail it back with a letter that read, "Received your scissors, I am sure by mistake. Although they were quite nice and it was tempting to keep them I was quite sure they were already being missed by someone. So here's to hoping that you are "Reunited and it feels so good"...enjoy your scissors."

haha! How great is that! I was too happy. So now, my scissors are back and yes, for about 5 minutes after their return, I just held them.

Oh and by the way...

Weight Loss UPDATE

Well, I am ALMOST THERE!!! Almost lost 23 pounds which would be my 10% goal!!! I am technically .8 lbs away...so JUST under a pound!! That shouldn't be a problem this week at ALL!!

I am TOTALLY excited and proud and giddy!!! AHH!! And right in time for tank top, shorts and bathing suit season. That will make it a little easier!!!

I am feeling alot of energy to do more around the house...my yard is worried cause it knows I am attacking it as soon as this nice weather hangs around for more than a day or two!

Here a run-down on the weight loss!!!

Almost to 10%

April writing...
Almost to 10% - March 5, 2008
I really can't believe that I have made it THIS far in such a short amount of time!! To think that about two months ago I was 18 pounds heavier and what feels like lazier and less driven. Not these days!! Man I have such a huge amount of energy and a desire to DO more and DO different things with my life!! I want to send a SPECIAL shout out to some special people!
First and foremost...my Husband, Cory Jacob. Without you sweetie I would not be doing so well. You with your suttle compliments and humorous outlook on this process, you have helped me tremendiously!!! I LOVE you for that...and one day you will have a SKINNIER me to hug and less of my ARMS to squeeze. *wink wink*
Secondly, My Brittany. I know that she has been going through so much lately, but yet she still finds it in her heart to support and encourage me with every pound lost! Thank you and I can't wait to either be your little Butter-Bean's skinner Auntie or Pregnant Auntie! :)
Thirdly...My TT. Terri you have been amazing as well. Thanks for all your words of encouragment and above all thanks for INSPIRING me daily. Girl you may be nearing 8 months pregnant but your DRIVE and your AMBITION makes me want to be a better person. And if that means losing more weight to accomplish this things then consider yourself a STRONG driving force in my life!
Fourth...My sisters. Thanks to Bekah who always finds time to comment back (via text) and give me a big YEAH for losing each week and I am sure she would do the same even if I didn't lose one week! Thanks to Sarah for being there all day at work everyday to toss ideas back and forth about how we can BOTH eat better and take better care of ourselves for many years to come!
GOSH, there really are SO many more...but a big THANKS to Mom...I know she went through alot last fall but through that trial I found my will to beome a healthier person and for both her just being here and enduring that process with such vigor...THANK YOU!
I love you all...and this has been such an amazing process for me, and I can't wait to continue. I even feel that if Cory and I get pregnant before this process is complete..I am a better person for making these changes now!!!

You can read this and follow my weight loss process and more at
http://www.freewebs.com/wwslickslady08/index.htm

It's me...the SLACKING BLOGGER

WOW! What a slacking blogger I have been...wait WE have been. Cory hasn't blogged either!! I will have to get on him as well!!
So, let's get you all caught up on life.

As you can see, I have been on Weight Watchers, now having finished my eighth week...I am 16.4 pounds lighter and MUCH, MUCH happier! It is really very exciting to see how the body changes...and to remember that the skinny me, isn't just on the inside...it can show outside too. ALMOST time for some new clothes...and just before spring. HOW EXCITING!!

Cory and I are doing really great. Equally loving life and driving each other nuts. Olive and Pickle (our puppies, not to be confused with any summertime condiments) are getting along GREAT! I am so glad we stuck with it and kept Olive around. She is such a doll and she is totally sweet. It is also about time to get her fixed...in fact *slapping a big hot pink post-it note on her calendar* there! I reminded myself to get on that!!

For a while there Cory was speeding along well on our downstairs bathroom...but that has come to a screeching hault. Not sure if it was us waiting on more funds, more time or both! :) Hopefully that will be complete soon...with PICTURES too!

As far as BABIES go, no news for us...however a BIG congratulations to our friends Jason and Brittany on thier FIRST little bundle of joy that is due, well let's just say he/she is due sometime in September 08! (since they can't make up thier mind, right Britt?!) We do have news IN the baby area...I should be starting some medication called 'Clomid' soon. Hopefully, without all the details...it will help Cory and I get pregnant in the first few cycles...maybe even the FIRST cycle. We are staying really positive about it all, continuosly. We know that God has much better, bigger plans than we could imagine, so I am always eager to see where we go!

I am continuing down my GOALS list of 2008 that I penned down earlier this year. As mentioned, I am losing the weight I wanted to lose, and I just BOUGHT a dress pattern. (One of my other goals was to sew a dress or purse) I jumped right in and bought the DRESS pattern! Call me crazy or just plain nuts...who knows. We shall see when I try putting this bad boy together! Here's the one I chose:

So, I am quite excited!!

I also just recently RE-SIGNED up as a Stampin-Up Demonstrator. (I think I blogged about that earlier this year!) So I am glad for that. things are going very well too!

Well, I think that about catches us up for now...I will let Cory catch you up on work, school, becoming and Elder, etc. *hint, hint*!! :) Talk to you sooner than soon!!! Adios!

Loss.....again.

LOST another 2.6

for a total of 12.4 DOWN!!!!!