Tuesday, February 16, 2010

So I'm the wife of an Officer...

April writing...

Lately, I have been wandering around the blog world and finding some great fellow Police Officer's Wives! Hi ladies!!! :)

When people hear that I am a Police Officer's wife...it usually warrants a few different types of responses...from empathy, compassion and fear to worry, distrust and disgust. It always amazes me what people actually say or ask out loud to me..."Does your husband wear his gun to bed?!" "Oh, I bet he never lets you out of the house alone," " I bet you can't sleep at all at night when he is gone," or even the typical, "How do you do it?!"

I figured, even though I don't talk about it much on this blog, it is a huge part of mine and Husby's life together! I would say even though being a Police Officer takes up about 50% of Husby's time...it can sometimes take up about 85%+ of his mind!

It may not seem like it to an outsider, who just comes home from their job, leaving the stress and the people behind, but being an Officer means almost constantly being "on" to the public. There have been many nights when our dinners were interrupted by calls about "what's happening in my neighborhood, there are cops everywhere?!" or "Can you get me out of a ticket?." Then there is the challenge or riding around town in the "take-home car," that could mean having to stop for an accident (which happened last night in fact) or being ready to pull over a car for running a red light on our way to church. So needless to say, we keep the take-home car at home most of the time! I can't tell you how many times I have bumped my elbow on his gun when going in for a hug, or how it feels to watch him cry when he loses a brother in the thin blue line.

There are many other ways that being a Police Officer impacts our daily lives, even in small ways...for example, in public I will always sit with my back to the door, (or to the biggest grouping of people) so that Husby can see as much as possible. When we pray, he doesn't close his eyes, so he can stay aware. He has a cynical comment about most things, this isn't very easy to combat for someone as positive as me. I know, there will be some days when he is just too tired to do anything; one long night can mess him up for days.

Sometimes I can get aggravated with Husby for all of his precautions, and all of his police-style planning; But when I hear stories of officer's who have been shot, just for arriving to a 911 call and doing their jobs, it's then that I am grateful for how careful he is! As he says, "It's all about getting home safe," and I am more than fine with that!

I have friends of mine who wonder how I do it. How I don't stay awake at night, blinking my wide eyes at the ceiling. It's quite simply that I have faith that God is taking care of my Husband. And I know he is being safe, and being smart...and while yes, even those smart and safe Officer's have had their watch cut short due to criminals, I know that God has a plan. If I laid awake at night worrying about him, I wouldn't be the best wife I could be for him. I couldn't have the house ready for him to come home to, to feel safe in; safe enough to relax and not worry about out there. So I can't worry, I can't allow myself to get caught up in all that. Yes, we have worked out easy ways to combat some unsettling feelings...for instance, if Husby gets involved in something at work, that may be deemed a little too scary for me to know about...then I don't get the full story when he gets home. In fact I am pretty sure there are quite a few situations that I know nothing about...and I am ok with that. I trust him, that he knows me well enough to know what I can handle, and what I can't. Also, if he is going to be late getting home...9 times out of 10, he calls...so I am not left at home wondering...what happened?!

Then there is the Officer's sense of humor and point of view on people...usually dark, cynical, crude and insensitive...however...it that gets them through their tough dark days at work...then so be it. (Just don't bring it home...haha) I can't tell you how many times earlier on in our marriage that Husby actually rolled down his windows to yell at a homeless person to "get a job!" I was always so mortified and sensitive saying, "Oh you don't know their situation," but in the cynical mind of my Husby, he has seen the other side...people using it as an excuse, people using it as a job, then driving home to their $800,000 estates! So over time, we have worked out a compromise...he can scream out the window what he wants , when I am not around, as long as he has taken the time to at least assume there is always another side to every coin! He has also been the same Officer to pull over and offer help to a small family who's car broke down. In fact he threw the car into park and and jumped out of the car before I even knew what was happening; and next thing I know...we are piling two grown adults and their baby in the back seat of his very tiny car to give them a ride home!

Everything is very routine to my Officer...from how he gets ready...to how he undresses. My favorite part of the night, which may seem odd, but it's the part of the night I'm involved in...and I hate missing it. He gets dressed and leaves our bedroom, turning off the light (usually, haha) and then he heads to me, leans in and gives me a kiss (sometimes I try to steal a second and third kiss) and as he heads to the door, I say, "I will call you later." So simple, but that's our nightly routine...and the last thing I do before bed is call him to say "Goodnight and I love you."

I've heard it once said that, "in a law enforcement marriage, there is no room for someone who is emotional, clingy or needy. Because a cop's wife's role often requires her to be self-sufficient, she needs to be sure of who she is. Of course her identity isn't derived solely from who she is to her husband. She is her own person too." I feel like I have grown so much, just by being married to Husby...he has challenged me to be a better, stronger woman and I am proud to call myself an Officer's Wife!

I don't feel like I am some super-woman for being married to an Officer, but I feel the demands and I have also seen the benefits! I wouldn't change it for the world, because to me...my Husby is always the Hero; and I will always welcome home my cynical, tired and often mad-at-the-world Husby into my arms and love him the BEST way I know how!


Cory E. :) said...

Very good insight into our life baby. You are a great Officer's Wife and Thank you for you patience.

Meadowlark said...

"...in a law enforcement marriage, there is no room for someone who is emotional, clingy or needy..."

Uh oh. Good thing I'd never read THAT one! I'm the most emotional and needy person I know. I'm the one who peeks out the curtain starting at the time he normally would be home until I finally give up with a deep sigh. The one who talks to him probably 3 times a day (he travels between two offices, so he usually calls while he's en route) and is miserable until I hear from him.

I suppose though, as a former Marine, that I'm fairly capable of handling things... I just would prefer not to.

And so far, we've made it through around 15 years of Law Enforcement and 25 years total. :)

Nice to find your blog.

MONICA-LnP said...

Hi April,foud you through MrsFuzz/Police wife blog.
great post! you've touched on everything about being in the life of a LEO,at least what I've experienced,thanks for sharing.
All we can do is love them the best we know how to.Amen to that!

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